The Mother Load

No one prepares you for becoming a parent. The seismic shift to a new way of living, both physically and mentally, is wild. It's changed my perspective on many things, and I thought I’d share my experience of what it's like coming back to work and embracing my new normal.

Emotional rollercoaster

Since my first full time job at 16, I have been very career focused. Going to university, striving to learn and grow as a creative, working with super talented people and doing what I love to do. But when my daughter arrived in 2023, it was a complete gear shift. My whole world changed, and I had to learn more in a short amount of time than I ever anticipated. And when you think you have it all figured out - it’s time to go back to work. I must caveat, going back to work is a highly personal decision that should be right for you and your child and what's right for one person may not be for another.

Coming back to work after I had 9 months off was a real mix of emotions. I had so many questions running through my head. Should I be going back to work? Should I put my child into nursery? How much is the right amount of time off? Will she miss me? Will I miss her? Am I good enough? Have I forgotten everything? Will I still love my job? I was feeling every emotion of guilt, anxiety, excitement, relief - all at the same time.

It felt quite overwhelming but I didn’t need to worry, Foolproof were very accommodating, allowing me to stagger my return so I could build my confidence one day at a time. I think that's something that I’ve found as a parent; taking one moment at a time is very beneficial. Taking on as much as you feel comfortable with, and dealing with what's in front of you rather than planning weeks, months, years down the line, which can lead to overwhelm and burnout.

What I’ve learnt about empathy

For me, going back to work gave me back more of myself that I felt I lost when I became ‘Mum’. It’s helped me feel more confident in taking on things that, in the first instance, feel scary, intimidating and out of my comfort zone. Taking things on in more digestible and smaller steps makes things feel more achievable - The Atomic Habit way of thinking. Emotions are a good thing as they help you risk assess and make conscientious decisions.

I’ve learnt to not fear what you haven’t yet experienced, you never know what you might learn about yourself and what new opportunities may lead to. One emotion that has really become more apparent since returning to work is empathy. As a designer, relating to who I’m speaking with is of high importance. But I now have far more understanding and patience. Seeing my daughter see the world for the first time helps me relate to how people feel when they are in the highs and lows of life. Putting myself in other shoes has become a lot easier.

Logistics, logistics, logistics

Getting out of the house in the morning isn’t as simple or as straight forward as it once was. Juggling the logistics of childcare drop offs, packing all that you and your child may need for the day, and what if the weather changes? Planning ahead is a skill that I’ve never needed so much in my entire life. Before becoming a parent, I was quite organised and loved a plan. Now, having to think about more than just myself, I'm undertaking what feels like a military operation in the mornings. And I won’t even start on the mountain of washing that seems to never go away.

What I’ve learnt about time management

Fluid time management is the only way. Even if my daughter has no concept of time, proactively giving myself space for focus and time-boxing activities allows me to be as efficient as possible. Meetings do run over, something urgent needed to be done yesterday and I forget to pack pjs for 'pj day' at nursery. But if I try to give myself flexible structure and define boundaries, it helps me get the most out of my precious time, providing me with a good work/life balance. All of which helps make the logistics of life run a bit smoother. (But not always!)

Like I said previously, it’s all about small digestible things to achieve. Ticking off my to-do list one thing at a time is completely sanity saving. This filters into how I approach my work. Setting up meetings with clear agendas, blocking out time for focus, and getting stuff done. Being organised, working backwards from deadlines, and making sure I have what I need at the right time. This all makes projects run smoothly.

Adjusting to the workplace

I had a fear that I'd forgotten how to be the designer I had worked so hard to become. Imposter Syndrome really crept in; coming back from a world of singing nursery rhymes and entertaining a little one, it was a bit of shock to the system to talk to adults again. But like most things, I didn’t need to worry, it was like riding a bike.

I knew my craft, I knew my skills, I just had to regain confidence in myself again. Rediscovering your rhythm when learning to wear many hats as a working parent including Mum, colleague, friend, wife, expert, nurse, entertainer, and designer, isn’t easy. And with the constant shifting, I do get things wrong. I’m only human. It’s made me multi-faceted and that’s something I am proud of; it's a strength, not a weakness.

What I’ve learnt about confidence

When I first had my baby, I was so nervous about going to the supermarket, will there be space to park a car? What if there are no baby trolleys? What if she needs a nappy change in the middle of Tesco? But I plucked up the courage and went, and it was fine. Confidence builds the more you put yourself into those environments. If you don’t like it, then it’s fine to decide that it's not for you. I am so fortunate that I have a job that I really love doing, any worry or fear I experience comes from genuinely caring about what I do.

I've found by putting yourself out there, especially into unfamiliar environments, you can truly discover what serves you. Another thing to consider is that the workplace dynamics can change too. People leave, people join, businesses and industries rise and fall. I have learnt that priorities change and being adaptable is a great skill to have. Being able to pivot and reprioritise is something I now do in my projects, as well as my everyday.

I probably used to worry far too much about what others thought, as well. When you have a baby, you can feel like everyone is judging you and nine-times-out-of-ten, that's not the case. And even if they are, they don’t have the full context; I know I am trying my best as a mother and at work as a designer. I try to apply this same mentality to my work. Not knowing the full picture before forming a judgement or recommendation is risky, but by taking action, and designing from research and insights, I can make more confident, meaningful decisions.

Physical and mental shifts

The human body is amazing thing, and I feel very fortunate to have had the journey I've had. But when my new sidekick came along, I experienced physical and mental tolls which cannot be underestimated. The nights of minimal sleep, your body on constant high-alert, with an expectation to be on your ‘A’ game, when really you're on more of a ’Zzz’ game.

Everyone has good and bad days, with or without kids. But I have been extremely lucky to have colleagues and a workplace that understands my situation; they've given me time and grace to adjust back into what feels like the real world. And when I’ve asked for help, people have responded. So I'd advise reaching out to people and accepting help. Ultimately, I've learnt to let go of perfection and embrace the chaos.

What I’ve learnt about appreciation

On a more granular level, doing things one-handed has really opened my eyes to the topic of accessibility. Time-poor parents battling with complex sign-up journeys, or trying use a self-service checkout with a baby strapped to you, are things that I’ve had to adjust and adapt to. These are seen as temporary impairments and after experiencing them firsthand, I have a whole new perspective on the world, and more understanding as a designer.

I’ve also learnt to check in with myself, to look back on how far I have come, and how proud I can be; I feel like some kind of superwoman when I think about it. I have a whole new appreciation for those doing more than just their 9-5, those who are carers, help others, those who volunteer and still rock up to work every day with a smile on their face and a drive to get things done. People are truly amazing and sometimes it’s good to appreciate yourself, your colleagues and the people you meet along the way.

Finally, to my daughter

I love being a mum. I love being a designer. It’s been quite the journey to get where I am today, learning more about myself and my world that I could have ever prepared for. Whether you are a Mum, Dad, foster parent, carer or none of the above, these are lessons that can be learnt from any journey. As I’ve gotten older and experienced new things, I feel like it's good to continually challenge yourself, put yourself out of your comfort zone and gain new perspectives along the way.

I feel that seeing the world through the eyes of someone else is a privilege I will never take for granted. Talk to me in ten years’ time (with a few more grey hairs) and my story might be different. But after two years, I know that parenthood has changed me for the better as a person, as a colleague and as a creative. So, to my daughter... I hope you know it’s all for you.